Maintaining a long-term relationship may not give you bulging biceps, but it can build strength and endurance.

Two years ago, one of my sisters trained for and ran the Cleveland Marathon. When she told me she was going to do it, I fantasized about doing the same thing. Dragging myself out of bed each morning before it was light, feeling the rush of adrenaline as I completed each mile, watching my thighs get tighter, my body get stronger. (Getting strong now, wont be long now, getting strong now… da nana da na da na bahmp bahmp!)

Instead, I was very busy with family demands – being a parent and attending to my neglected relationship with my partner. I berated myself for being boring, weak and lazy.

The parallel between my sister’s accomplishment that day and my own didn’t dawn on me until much later. Life is made up of lots of marathons no matter how out of shape you are. Loving someone over a long period of time – building a life that accommodates both individuals’ needs, ambitions and shortfalls – just may be one of the most challenging courses one could travel.

In fact, the ambivalence that goes hand-in-hand with a long-term commitment to another person – terror, self-doubt, disbelief, frustration, exhaustion, excitement, pride – is what drives us forward. Like climbing a mountain or running a marathon, the exhilaration of the task at hand moves us, even if in the end we are worn down and missing a few toenails.

Hopefully in every relationship there are times when it feels as if an important marker has been passed, a peak summited. At those times, the perspective gained from the journey can be overwhelming. We use it both to find our bearings and to remind ourselves of what matters. Times we struggle with our relationships to others are opportunities to master new skills, to test our limits and to learn more effective ways of traversing connections.

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Posted by Jenn on March 20, 2006 10:12 AM
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