Pardon me, but have you seen the excitement in my relationship? I seem to have misplaced it.
"I get the joy of rediscovering you. - Steve Perry, lead singer of Journey, Faithfully
For most of us, the beginning of a relationship is full of energy -- an intoxicating mix of "filled up with sweet, carbonated hormones" kind of energy and butterflies in the stomach, "please don't let me do something stupid!" anxiety. We are usually just starting to learn about one another and the things that we don't know or don't understand are incredibly compelling. Touching is intense and we look for every opportunity to do it -- holding hands walking from the restaurant to the car, pushing away the lock of hair across the dinner table, nuzzling each other's ears and neck while we're watching television.
Flash forward five years and we're waiting for our turn to use the bathroom (which is unlikely to smell as fresh as it was before our beloved entered it.) We're waking up next to someone whose breath smells like the decaying carcusses of mice who were living in the colon of a dead raccoon for the last two months of their lives. We're listening to the same stories, finding the same annoying things annoying, seeing the same clothes on the same body doing the same things every day.
It's normal for passion to grow stale. Not because our partners really have become boring, but because our motivation for learning about them has dropped off. We've gotten lazy. It's easier to take things for granted and to accept the routine. It's comforting and stable, if a bit dull. But it requires less energy and attention from us. Our physical appearances may have changed a bit over the years, but what's really changed is the effort we put into appealing to the tastes of the other person. We no longer primp and fuss about what to wear or how we smell. Our thinking and experiences have continued to expand and deepen, but what's really changed is how often and how well we listen to and learn from each other.
It's less that the longer you are with someone, the less passionate you feel about them. More like the longer you are with someone, the more opportunities you have to discover new things about which to feel passionate.
Posted by Jenn on March 24, 2006 9:40 AM
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