The ultimate sex and love quiz - how do you rate?
Test-taking can be incredibly stressful. Many of us don't perform well when asked to respond to a standardized set of questions on a particular topic. We worry about how we will measure up and what our responses will indicate about us.
Still, when a recent edition of a fashion or gossip magazine hits the racks boasting a love quiz that will reveal all, men and women will claw over each other just to get to it before someone tears it from the pages and takes it home. When asked about the legitimacy of these test results, the overwhelming majority of testtakers admit that the assessment of them as a lover based on their answers to eight questions in a Glamour magazine carries very little credibility. Most avid horoscope readers describe a similar compulsion despite their perception of horoscopes as being unreliable.
So what is the appeal? Why are we so compelled to respond to tests, quizzes, and questionnaires around love and sex?
First of all, almost all of us love opportunities to be self-centered. Sex and relationship quizzes are an opportunity for us to think about, and in many cases, talk about our own beliefs, values, behaviors and ideals. We have a compulsion for self-reflection. When we read or hear stories about other people's lives, our thought process is often 1) take in the information; 2) make a judgment about how the information relates to us. You're reading an article about Tom and Katie, some of the things you might be thinking: I wish I could've worn low-rise jeans when I was 8 months pregnant, I would never agree to a silent birth with no medication, I wish my chest looked as good as Tom Cruise's when I was half his age, If I were them, I would stay out of the public eye, I felt devastated about my recent break-up and my boyfriend was ugly and broke.
Instinctually, we all want to find ways to make everything about us or at least relate to us. So a quiz or a survey, no matter how invalid the results may be, provides us with an opportunity to indulge our preoccupation with ourselves.
Answering these questions, whether privately or with friends, also appeals to our desire for validation. By comparing ourselves to each other or to a publicized standard (even a fictional one,) we are seeking reassurance that our behaviors, attitudes or beliefs are within the realm of the accepted. We all breathe a sign of relief when a quiz informs us that our responses are normal, common or understandable. Even the most critical of popular self-assessment tools usually offers the test-taker a common category under which their responses fall. They suggest that even if you are a freak, there are other freaks like you who have answered the questions similarly.
This drive for a sense of belonging is so strong, we don't mind if the categories to which we are assigned are silly or insulting. A desirability quiz that categorizes you as a "limp fish," at least categorizes you... it means there are other limp fishes out there just like you!
That said, I would like to offer my own version of a sex and love quiz that will serve to allay all of your fears and insecurities and relieve you from any responsibility to change anything about the way in which you currently execute your romantic life. Take five minutes and answer the following five questions:
1. You and your partner are settling in for a romantic evening alone. The activities you have planned are:
a) a candlelit dinner, music and dancing and a marathon love-making session
b) watching porn alone in the dark in your bedroom while your partner sits alone crying and compulsively taking prescription medications.
c) Scrabble
d) killing and eating a hobo
2. You've been with the same partner for a year and a half and feel it's time to take it to the next level. For you this means:
a) taking a vow of monogamy
b) getting married
c) getting a tattoo of your partner's face on your backside
d) telling your partner about the time you killed and ate a hobo
3. You and your partner have agreed to meet at 9:00pm at the local movie theater to see a 9:30pm showing of the latest blockbuster. It is 9:29pm and your partner has not arrived. You:
a) give up, take a seat and enjoy the film
b) pace back and forth aggressively swearing and threatening those around you until you are asked to leave the theater
c) call your partner's cell phone, say, "Bitch!" and hang up
d) write a complaint letter to Steven Spielberg
4. You and your partner are lying in bed together. S/he begins nuzzling your ear. You:
a) sneeze
b) embrace your partner and begin to undress each other
c) shout "Kangaroo!" and begin hopping wildly upon the bed
d) close your eyes and hope that if you lie still enough, your partner will think that you're dead
5. The cartoon character which you believe most represents you as a lover is:
a) Speedy Gonzalez
b) Mister Magoo
c) Velma from Scooby-Doo
d) Cruella DeVil
______________________________________________________________________________________________
For every time you answered a, give yourself 1 point.
For every time you answered b, give yourself 2 points.
For every time you answered c, give yourself 3 points.
For every time you answered d, give yourself 9 points.
Add up your score and find your corresponding category:
Your score is between 0-4
OK, so you didn't answer every question... no big deal. You're great and anyone would be lucky to have you as a partner. Keep doing what you're doing, even if it is half-assed. People love you.
Your score is between 5-10
You are one sexy muthaf-er! Seriously... how do you do it? People would pay truckloads of money just to learn half of what you know about sex and romance. You're so sexually potent that you just got four people pregnant while you were tallying up your score... and one of them was a man! Ooooooh... you're smokin'!
Your score is between 11-20
You are someone that anyone could fall in love with. You are attentive and thoughtful and attractive. When little girls and little boys play house, they imagine themselves with a partner as perfect as you. You're so dreamy that I'm blushing just thinking about you... I really am... you're that dreamy.
Your score is between 21-30
Those other people who got scores less than 21 but more than 30 are total losers. They are pathetic and they can only fantasize about being as fabulous as you are. Clearly, you are superior. I know you didn't need a quiz to tell you that, but I don't mind telling you anyway... you are a cut above the rest. You really have outdone yourself.
Your score is between 31-45
It is so moving how amazing you are. You're like the eighth wonder of the world. Screw the Mausoleum at Halicarnassus! You are the ideal -- the most beautiful thing in the universe. And you're not fat at all. You look spectacular and you're super smart and you smell nice and your friends and family are lucky to have you. You make everything around you better.
Your score is over 46
So maybe math isn't your strength. Or maybe you felt that your answer to Question 4 rated a higher score than we had suggested. Kudos to you for thinking outside the box. You're awesome and you answered this quiz exactly as we hoped you would. No one but you got it. That's how good you are.
Posted by Jenn on April 12, 2006 1:33 PM
Permalink | Email to a Friend | Add post to del.icio.us
More Recent Stories:
• Online dating for the socially inept
• The consistency paradox continued - New rules of engagement
• Now you see me, now you don't - Why consistency matters
• Are you a good cyberflirt?
• Mother May I? OH! YES YOU MAY!
• Flirting online – Can you feel me undressing you with my keystrokes?
• Board game makers continue in pursuit to end your relationship, destroy your life
• Why sex-pigs have got everybody's panties in a bunch
• White guy on black love site tells women, "stop dating guys that aren't me."
• You viewed my MySpace profile... why haven't you called?
