How to show real love and affection...old school

In the age of high-tech romance, you can meet, flirt, date, be intimate with and commit yourself for life to another person all without leaving the comforts of your desk chair. You can send emailed love letters, have cryptic instant messaging sessions (IWALU, FTBOMH, :-*), text message the one you love every five minutes, post loving commentary on his/her myspace page, and even share a joint blog to post mutual public proclamations of adoration.

But are these technology-based displays of affection as intimate as some of the more old school modes of romantic communication?

Below are five previously popular but now dated strategies for public declarations of love. While these methods are still popular among certain subsets of the population, I fear the trends are shifting away from these profoundly impactful displays. This is not only a loss for potential recipients of such romantic gestures, but for the rest of us who get to voyeuristically participate in their delivery.

1) Graffiti - While graffiti is still pervasive, particularly in urban areas, graffiti messaging related to love and sexuality has been reduced to two primary categories: rumors and slurs (otherwise known as "for a good time call" messages) and illegibles (messaging that is impossible to decipher unless you are the writer or the intended recipient). While both categories may be completely legitimate modes of communication (one may, in fact, have a really good time if they call Roberta, and squiggly dot thing that looks like a flag may, in fact, love boxy orange stripe with the arrow), I am excluding them from this category because the proclamations are not public enough. Those that never enter that bathroom stall or cannot interpret the message itself cannot be expected to be impacted by their posting.

I'm talking about messages in very public places like bus terminals, sidewalks and bridges. The longer the message, the more impressed I am with the display. It only takes 30 seconds to spray paint "I love you, Betty Lou" but it takes a good minute and a half to spray paint, "Betty Lou, you are my heart and soul. I love you, baby girl." I'm also most impressed by graffiti that appears to have been challenging to complete -- written in areas that are tough to reach, areas which require the writer to work upside-down or backwards, or to have to climb steep, rocky terrain or cross three lanes of traffic to and from the graffiti site. I never fail to be moved by these displays. When I see them, I'm tempted to pull off the highway, speed-dial Betty Lou and say, "Girl, if you don't marry him after this, you crazy!"

2) Radio Dedications - Shout outs don't count. Just saying your loved one's name on the air is not a dedication. A real dedication must last at least one minute and must include the following elements: the name of your girl/boyfriend; intimate details about your relationship; and a declaration of your undying love and commitment. The radio station and the song to be dedicated are secondary, however, picking a song that actually reflects the content of the anecdote you just shared publicly makes for a more profound dedication. Stories that cover the entire history of the relationship, particularly if they detail the difficult times are perfect. Extra points can be scored for quoting the song lyrics to be played in your declaration of love and for revealing previously undisclosed information on air ("Jamal, I love you... and the test came back positive.... you're gonna be a daddy!" or "Dana, I know I told you I cheated on you last summer, but I was just mad... you're the first, the last, the best.") Radio dedications carry more of a punch if they air during common listening times. You should have to call the radio station at least twelve times and wait at least ten minutes for someone to pick up in order for it to really count.

3) Tattoos - We're all familiar with some of the more ironic tattoo displays in Hollywood (Winona Forever). Perhaps you're thinking maybe it doesn't make sense to rush out and get your loved one's name permanently inked on your body to wear around for the rest of your life?

Wrong.

Tattoos are an inspired choice for a public display of love. Of course, the location of the tattoo must be easily viewable during the warmer seasons. Messages of love that are three words or more are more romantic than simply wearing her/his name on your body. The bigger the writing, the more you love the person. And if you're truly committed, capping it off with an inked portrait of your true love is practically a guarantee that you will be riding off into the sunset together on your Harley to live happily ever after.

4) T-Shirts - When it comes to wearing your love for your partner on your chest, you have three options. You can go low-effort and simply wear matching shirts at the same time. That's so cute it hurts and makes me want to punch both of you in the face.

You can wear a shirt in lieu of a tattoo with a simple message such as "I heart Vern."

Or you can go hardcore and wear a shirt that has a picture of the two of you together with either a message about how much you love each other or the dates during which you have been together printed across the bottom. If the t-shirt required you to sit still at a mall kiosk while a fifteen-year-old printed the iron-on transfer from a computer, your love is true and I just know that you and your partner are going to make it.

Note: Wearing a generic t-shirt that says, "I love this wo/man" with an arrow pointing to the left of you doesn't count if you're not currently in a committed relationship and standing next to your partner.

5) License Plates - This is another public display that requires time and effort and is therefore deserving of appreciation. The average wait time at the Department of Motor Vehicles is 45 minutes. Once you reach the counter, you can expect to pay $50-$100 for a personalized license plate. This doesn't even take into account the three days which you spent figuring out that N84 EVA was as close as you were going to get to telling Nathaniel how you really feel about him. And remember that you'll have constant reminders of your love each time you get caught speeding, forget to feed your meter or park in a loading zone.

If that ain't true love, I don't know what is.

---

Posted by Jenn on June 1, 2006 3:30 PM
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