Ouch! The world's cruelest break-up lines
Breaking up is always tough. Even if there is mutual agreement that the end time has come, having the termination conversation is bound to leave at least one person crying. There's just no way to tell someone that you don't want to be with them anymore without it sucking and hurting their feelings.
There are standard lines that while effectively gentler in their delivery, also carry an air of inauthenticity that is bound to make the recipient's head figuratively blow off her/his shoulders. "It's not you, it's me," "If I were ready to be in love with someone, it would be you," and "We're such good friends, I think we should hold on to that" are a few examples.
If you're going to vary from the handful of pathetic reasons for breaking someone's heart that are at your disposal, you have three choices: 1) be specific about what didn't work, taking full responsibility for your part but also explaining why you're choosing not to work at mending fences; 2) use a line that is so bizarre or so funny that it catches the other person off guard and distracts them from the actual pain they will experience two days later when they remember that you were serious about it being over; or 2) make it mean and hurtful and hope that the other person doesn't have a license to carry a handgun and that the billboard, website and spam emails that your ex spends the next three years launching won't impact people's decisions about whether or not to date you.
Below are some examples of break-up lines from BBspot, Snipes, Logomancy & So So Psychosis and So You've Been Dumped. Nobody wants to hear them but they do make a break-up story worthy of repeating. Feel free to add your own.
"It's not like if we tried for the rest of our lives, you would get to be better in bed.""I love you, but being with you is limiting my ability to meet someone I would want to marry."
"I don't think we should date any more, but we can still be on each other's buddy lists."
"I love my mother more than I love you. Get your stuff and get out."
"I simply misspoke all those times when I said that I loved you and that everything felt so right."
"Well, I don't think just not talking to you is going to be enough space for me."
"I'd like a true beauty so I don't have to spend so much time photoshopping your ugly face out of our photos."
"How will I know I want to spend the next 50 years with you unless I date other people?"
"I've gotten all I can out of you. Leave me."
"I am breaking up with you now before you get too attached to me....so I am doing you a sort of favour, aren't I?"
"I think we have three choices: 1) stay together, 2) take a break, or 3) break up entirely, and I want 2 or 3."
"By the way, we broke up. About two months ago. I forgot to tell you."
"So long and thanks for all the fish."
Posted by Jenn on June 5, 2006 2:53 PM
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I got a good break up line to do over the phone.
So you are talking on the phone to your guy or girlfriend.....
interupt the conversation and
say.."OH! hay? before i forget again...let me ask you sumthin."
They say" What?"
YOu ask, "Do you have a closet?"
When they imply "Yes"
you Ask "Do you have any room in it?"
They should say confusingly,"yeha, why?"
You say "good, hang this up in it for me" and quickly hang up the phone and NEVER call back. It's F.N. hilarious cause it may take em a minute to get it when you hang up, it's mean as hell and it works. You and that person will remember this line 4eva
-- Posted by: RoseAnn at June 24, 2006 2:25 AM