Board game makers continue in pursuit to end your relationship, destroy your life
I grew up playing board games with my family. One would think that after two divorces and countless dramatic displays of dysfunction, I would have learned. But alas, here I am as an adult, still succumbing to the ever-tantalizing call of Game Night.
It’s actually quite simple, really. You see, Milton Bradley and Parker Brothers are sadists. Their goal is to tear your family apart – and not a neat tear, either – it seems the more painful and drawn out the conflict, the more successful the game.
The worst, by far, is Trivial Pursuit. Someone is sure to get punched in the throat during this one. Here’s why:
“Oh… that’s an easy one!”
“C’mon… you know the answer… just think.”
“I thought you said you were good at geography.”
“We should’ve gone with my answer.”
“Dammit… that would’ve been for a piece of the pie. Next time, I roll.”
But don’t get me wrong. It’s not just the intellectual challenge that creates conflict. Even a game as random as Sorry will do it.
“Sooorrrrryy…”
And these aren’t even games of strategy. I knew a woman whose whole family was murdered following a game of Othello. The note her brother left before taking his own life was clear, “I couldn’t stand it… Dad’s turn is so long. And I hate Mom and Cassie.”
Now that Game Night technology has exploded, families are at even greater risk. What sick bastard thought up a DVD version of Family Feud? Yeah, that’s what we need… throw a remote into the mix! Better yet, have the game run without being able to pause it… that way, when someone inadvertently talks through a question, there’ll be no way to hear it again and the bloodbath can take place while the timer ticks out on the television screen – the screams muted by the theme song and Richard Karn’s incessant chatter.
I’m not saying never play another board game with the one you love.
I’m not.
I’m just saying, when you play a board game with the one you love, you may want to have a suitcase with your essentials packed and ready by the door.
Posted by Jenn on October 3, 2006 9:40 AM
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i was going to say "This article is goddamned hilarious" and "i'm right there with ya"
but jesus h. christmas on a stick, you are probably the most tolerant of spam i have ever seen...
i even considered making a mock spam entry, but i figured that it might not get read that way...
-- Posted by: Jace at January 7, 2008 2:51 AM