Flirting online – Can you feel me undressing you with my keystrokes?

OK… so maybe I was a little reluctant at first to venture into the online networking arena, but now that I’m there… look out, because I’m lovin’ it! It is absolutely what the voyeuristic, somewhat socially anxious part of me has always dreamt of.

I am absolutely fascinated by people’s creation of profiles - the choices they make about which photos to post, the intense politics of listing friends (what order do you put them in and who gets displayed as your top 3?) Browsing through people’s obviously self-conscious descriptions of themselves is such an interesting study in human relationships – George Herbert Mead would need to change his trousers! You can take more risks online, say those things that you think your best friend who always has the best sexy stories to tell would say, be more playful, uninhibited. Of course, the trouble comes when things go really well and you actually want to meet the person and then realize that you'll probably never live up to the romantic image of yourself that they have enjoyed via email and instant messaging... but that's another blog entry.

There are three aspects of online interaction that I’ve found serve me well. The first is the amount of control I feel like I have over both my initial presentation and my subsequent responses. Now, I recognize that this sense of control is imperfect. I mean, bigfur49 who posted a webcam shot of himself in his stained flannel probably looked at his photo before he posted it and thought, "Oh yeah... that's the one!" and I'm guessing he didn't get the overwhelming response for which he was aiming. But still, having the option to proofread, to edit and to delete aspects of your presentation while still maintaining a relatively intact sense of self, is a real treat.

The second is the time delay – there is lag time between responses that allows for absorption of the information and the ability to review or modify responses before sending them. It’s not a perfect system (as anyone who has ever IM'd with me knows) but it helps.

And finally, distance. No matter how much I want someone to like my online persona, and no matter how accurately that persona represents my true self, if someone doesn’t like me, I can always reason that somehow my awesomeness got lost in translation… that if only they REALLY knew me, they would be chomping at the bit to be best friends forever. And so maybe if I tweak my profile a little, stop listing Card Sharks as one of my favorite shows, or add a new glamour shot where you can see my cut abs, all will be well again in my virtual life.

Yeah, maybe it means I spend more time online in a dark room than I really should. And maybe it saves me from taking certain social risks that would probably teach me things about myself that I never knew, but seriously... it's so much more fun and you can meet 40 new people in your neighorhood who are as enamored with Card Sharks as you are, without ever leaving the comfort of your desk chair. Plus, it's so much cheaper than therapy.

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Posted by Jenn on March 15, 2007 5:39 PM
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