Online dating for the socially inept

There are exactly 1437.2 different online dating sites in existence at this moment. Most sites are fairly generalized and are targeted at human adults. Others may be more specialized (see largeandlovely.com, barrio305.com, jdate.com, datecraft.com.)

Fine. Catering to people's specific tastes or preferred communities makes sense. The purpose of these distinctions is obviously to narrow the dating field in order to provide single people with a place to start searching for people they may want to date.

Other distinctions, however, are less about pronouncing specifications in order to draw like individuals or individuals with a particular fetish. These sites appear to target the socially inept or least appealing of the dating pool in order to accomplish two things - 1) to provide a remedial dating environment replete with coaching and structured interactions and 2) to apologize to potential dates for what may be a few bumbling attempts at self-promotion followed by the inevitable, gawky run for the hills.

Now, I'll come clean.

I'm a big fan of dorks. In fact, if I could find a cute, dorky person who could maintain eye contact long enough, carry on a conversation for more than 20 minutes without referencing LARP, their sword collection or Java, and who could have sex without crying, I would commit my life to her/him in a heartbeat.

That said, I've trolled these sites and here's where they're failing.

1. No photos.
The uncool don't post pictures because then potential dates would see what they look like.

2. No contacts.
Socially timid people tend to be passive daters. Even when offered the option of "winking" or a drop-down menu of canned responses, their highly developed, intensely self-critical minds will psych them out of any possible action they may consider taking to meet someone.

3. Overselling the dork factor.
Many of these sites lampoon geek culture. The exaggerated focus on gaming, science and comic books may conjure up unrealistic images or fictional characterizations of sexy, misunderstood underdogs who, with a new haircut and a sharp outfit, will reign triumphant over their high school class reunion. In reality, most of the individuals on these sites really are dorks. Even underneath.

Socially awkward people don't need a specialized dating site in order to find someone to make out with. They either need work on building confidence so they can totally embrace their sexy-ass geekness. Or they need to shift their expectations and focus on being the hottest member of their local weekly Everquest discussion group.

There are plenty of people who want to kiss you. Braces or no braces. So turn off your monitor, wipe the haze from your Buddy Holly glasses and come dancing.

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Posted by Jenn on August 15, 2009 9:11 PM
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